"...but we ain't together tho."
All girls live for their group chat. It’s where we share our secrets, look for advice, get encouragement, and sometimes we share the unwarranted pictures we receive from you guys (so don’t do it , we’re laughing at you not with you). Anywho I woke up one morning and received an inspirational message from one of my dear friends in the group chat and it read….
We laughed and giggled and then she said next thing guys will say is “I’m single”
I have questions.
There are still ground rules for situationships and friends with benefits, right? Or maybe just basic rules for being a decent human being? No? I’m noticing it’s like as long as you say “I’m single” or “but you’re not my girlfriend” then your fuck boy tendencies are excused and covered in the blood. Negroes out here using the excuse “But we aint together tho” like they’re screaming “UNO” when down to the last card.
I cannot and I will not.
"But we aint together tho" doesn’t mean you won’t be held accountable for your actions my guy.
You right. You are single and we are not together but your actions and words need to line up.
“But we ain't together tho” doesn’t mean because we fell into a situationship with you, that we have to be a casualty to your immaturity either.
Ok, so I gave that rant to lead us here...
How to Avoid Getting "I Find It Funny How..." Text Messages
...by being self-aware.
On my way back from Philadelphia my friend played the Amanda Seales podcast Small Doses episode “Side Effects of Being a Fuck Boy” and I'm still picking my face up off the floor. It was def a moment where if we were in a church I would have walked down to the altar to give her a few dollars because she was legit giving a whole word throughout the entire episode. The entire episode applied to men and women and here's my moment of honesty, I even had some “fuck boy” tendencies (God ain't through with me yet). She even talks about fuck boys in the workplace.
She spoke on being selfish vs self-aware and defined them as such:
"Self-awareness - knowing your limitations and making choices based on them
Selfishness - knowing your limitations and making choices in spite of them”
Which I totally felt. With Snooty Judy and 20 Something Doin’ Something I am aware that I spend a lot a time in my phone and working. If I cannot give someone the type of attention they need or want I am not going to be selfish and say that I can just for the sake of relationship goals.
So when fellas lie and say they want commitment in fear that they’re going to miss out on some buns, that’s selfish. Don’t be so selfish that you end up hurting someone. Be self-aware and tell her you only want the buns, if they go away you have now spared them heartache and you won't be getting “I find it funny....” text messages from a woman scorned down the road. Allow her to make the choice of whether or not she wants to give you the buns after you’re honest.
Don’t finesse her.
Some don't have the grace to sustain what they put women through (that is a post for another day), but it’s all good what we haven’t addressed is the fact that some of these fine gentlemen are battling some deep internal issues that they don’t want to speak on, and you know what… hurt people hurt people, but that too is a post for another day.
but until then we ain't together.